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Why We Love Children
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went ' Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."
Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "
Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room" A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy"
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a biitch to iron."
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a biitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a biitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes ," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a biitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: 'Holy Shitt! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
10. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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God is like Television commercials
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results: scroll down.
God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN...He works miracles.
God is like.
FORD...He's got a better idea.
God is like.
COKE...He's the real thing.
(This is great)
God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS...He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like.
TIDE...He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC...He brings good things to life.
God is like.
SEARS...He has everything.
God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER...Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE...You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like.
DELTA...He's ready when you are.
God is like.
ALLSTATE...You're in good hands with Him.
God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray...He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like.
DIAL SOAP...Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like.
the U.S. POST OFFICE...Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
God is like.
Chevrolet.. .the heart beat of America
God is like
Maxwell house...Good to the very last drop
God is like.
Bounty . . .He is the quicker picker upper. .can handle the tough jobs. . and He won't fall apart on you
BLESSINGS FROM MY HOUSE TO YOUR HOUSE
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If you don't open and view anything else in your life, open and view this! You won't be sorry, you will be a little wiser for it though! If you have children, I would expect you'll want them to see this too! Then, if you are fortunate to still have your parents, go and visit them this week and give them a big hug.
Click here: PARENT'S WISH <http://parentswish.com/site01/big.html>
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